Am I the only person who finds it disturbing how advertising has now turned into mega sponsorships that are about to claim your life and the life of your unborn children?  Pretty soon my friends will no longer have to call me by my birth name Shae ... they will simply call me Electrolux or Maytag. (It kind of has a nice ring to it). Long gone will be the days when they can rhyme my name with a quarter of the English Language.  "Shae is gay all day in May in the hay with Jay today ..."  Oh ... those cherished childhood torture sessions which made me want to punch them in the face will end. Bummer. I remember when Boston Garden was called Boston Garden ... it was hallowed ground until Fleet Bank rebuilt it and put their name on it ... now it is called TD Garden. Rolls right off the tongue doesn't it? It kind of sounds like a pandemic disease ridden buffet style restaurant.  MMmmmmm. Yummy. 

Recently I was watching a game show and the contestant was in the final round. All she had to do was answer the following questions. 

"In what city is ....
AT&T Park? 
FedEx Field?
Bank One Ball Park?
Qwest Field?"

Um .... er ... WHAT???

Once hearing the category, I thought I'd have this in the bag. I was prepared to answer right along with her from the comfort of my couch and fluffy robe. I grew up with sporting events on the TV. I may not have been a die hard sports fan but I could probably tell you the colors of each team's costume. I could tell you what mascot ran around the field stirring up excitement for a team. (especially if they were cute and cuddly). And I could tell you the name of their home stadium/arena. I could be this contestant  ... I could win the money ...  and then upon hearing these names ... my dreams were dashed. I couldn't answer any of them. I lost the big money and a chance at a better life. Damn it.

Moreover, I don't think I really get it ... Going to a ball game doesn't make me loyal to AT&T. What makes me choose a phone company is based on price and service and I don't sit and think, "Hhhhmmm ... I'm definitely going to go with AT&T when I buy my next cell plan because they have a park named after them." I tend to think having your corporate name on a giant stadium is more ego driven then seeing their marketing dollars at work. I tend to think of corporate naming rights as a way for companies to prove amongst themselves who has the bigger penis.

However, I've always had an aversion to corporate advertising. When my high school classmates were wearing "Express" and "GAP" shirts, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Didn't I just plunk down a chunk of change to buy this shirt? Am I buying the privilege to advertise for them? I was never a fan of having someone's name scrawled across my bosom. It just felt wrong to me ... I know, I know ... it is a status symbol. But for some reason, I never really viewed "Old Navy" as some big whoop. I feel the same about Louis Vuitton and Gucci and Prada and Hollister. Fine if you'd like to buy their fashions ... just don't whore yourself out to their name. Do you really think that I think you are fancy because you have Vercace written across your chest? No ... I don't ... I think you bought a knock off from someone on a street.  I question whether it is real or not ... which negates the whole reason why you are wearing it in the first place.

I mean ... is NOTHING sacred?  A woman in Arkansas has tried to sell the naming of her unborn child on eBay. Really? REALLY? Here is a woman who is willing to sell her soul, but even the Devil wasn't taking. I mean Hell has standards and this was just crossing a line. Perhaps, Wal-mart put her up to it. After all, they have managed to get a guy to get a Wal-Mart tramp stamp tattooed on him.  Anyway, this woman has tried FOUR times to sell the naming rights to her child and there have been no takers.  Those marketing managers at the big corporations are not stupid.  The first rule of thumb in marketing is ROI (Return On Investment). In other words ... getting more bang for your buck. What if the child is born and the child is ugly? If they decide to pull the trigger on this ill advised marketing disaster they best have an opt-out clause. Do you really want your advertising dollars going to ugly advertising?  Although ... the evil side of me thinks it would be sweet justice if companies had a bidding war and Brass Ovaries Pole Dancing or Lil' Minx Removable Dance Poles won! And sweeter yet ... if the baby was born a boy!!

(I'm pretty sure this blog doesn't really have a point ... If my blog was being sponsored I'm pretty sure I could tie this into something significant and have an impact on your life ... AND your wallet ... instead, it was just something I've been thinking about.)